Gift #2 You Can Not Afford NOT to Give

Gift #2 --

...A clear sense of others -- it seems as though the entire (Western) Church has bought into our culture's idea of living a self-focused lifestyle.  In our own experience, the number one desire of parents we've asked is that their children grow up to live "happy" and "healthy" lives.  While there is nothing innately wrong about having a life that is happy or healthy, this certainly isn't the "gold standard" by which a "good life" is represented in Scripture.  Christ followers are continually told to "deny themselves" in order to serve others, and in doing so they serve Christ.  We see Jesus and his disciples serving in difficult situations, always giving though they've already gave and gave; Christ was crucified and most of His disciples died a martyr's death.  Giving our children a clear sense of others will take intentionality and will not be convenient.  Oh, we can do it while on other journeys, (being kind to the clerk at the store, etc.) but it also means we need to teach our children to "give up" things and "deny" their desires at times. ("Delayed gratification" is one term that comes to mind...)

We must teach our children to think of others because it does not come naturally to any of us.  This is like teaching them to wash their hands, or get dressed, or make their bed-- they must practice generosity until it becomes a habit.  Generosity that comes out of a heart of thankfulness is the most pure motive. ("We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19)  Generosity taught for the sake of looking or feeling good is not the goal nor the motive that pleases Jesus.  (Feeling good about the things you do is not wrong, however, it should be a by-product and not a driving force.) God looks at our motives.  He wants your children's hearts-- not just their outward behavior. 

Because we have been given MUCH, we know that life isn't about them-- it's about Christ and being His hands and feet while on earth.  Matt. 25:34-40 gives us a clear picture about the practical ways God wants us to help and serve others.  

"34“Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.35‘For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;36naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’37“Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink?38‘And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You?39‘When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’40“The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’"
 

When weserve others here on earth, it is as if we are serving our very King, Jesus Christ.

Here  are some ways we are practicing generosity in our home this year.  They are nothing snazzy or glitzy or even worth mentioning, but it is what we can do this Christmas time.  ( This is not to brag or be looked upon, but simply joted down for us to remember personally and to perhaps give you one idea you might use if you need a few ideas.)

* Handed out Christmas treats made by ladies of our church to elderly shut-ins or church attendees who have been ill.  The kids sang, read poems, and talked a bit with the people we visited.  (We did this with another homeschooling family and it was a blast!  The kids really liked this & we reiterated several times the reason we do this activity is to encourage those who aren't healthy enough to get out very much.) (I must also thank the ladies who had the Christmas cookie exchange who plan to ask people to bring more than they will go home with.  I would never have been able to bake all those goodies AND take them!=)

* Gave homemade gifts to teachers in their lives.  When they all have a hand in creating gifts simple as "gifts in a jar" it helps them to connect saying thanks to those in their lives and to learn to think about what makes someone else happy and encouraged.

* Being involved in purchasing an animal through the World Vision Christmas catalog.  We're still collecting money so the kids are excited to see how much they will be able to purchase in the end.  Will it be a chicken?  A goat?  A cow?!?...

* Sorted through toys/clothes and gave several large boxes to our local shelter for needy people.  After a few years of doing this with them, the kids are really starting to understand their outgrown and unused can be used by others who need them.

*  And, though this is not about "others" here on earth, we have started a Sparkle Box...which you can read about later this week! 

What things are YOU and YOUR FAMILY doing this year to show Christ's love to others and to teach your children that life for the Believer consists of a full heart of thankfulness overflowing with generosity?

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Gifts You Can't Afford NOT to Give Your Children!

This will be a "Days of Christmas" type of series, I hope.  My internet has been down at my home and since it's equipment related I'm not sure when it will be back again so...my intentions have already not met with reality from the 1st of December so we'll just all see how this goes.

Over the last two years, we have begun to get a little more intentionally Christ-centered in our family in regards to Christmas time.  We don't have anything against giving gifts to our children, no, in fact, it's quite an addicting thing to do.  Once I purchase the first gift on the lift for one of them my mind starts spinning with ideas of all the "wonderful" things I could get them...things they "need"...things I want them to have...oh, and it could get bad...but I have several reasons for not giving into those fun parenting feelings and the biggest at Christmas time is because it's JESUS' Birthday!  I don't celebrate my children's birthdays by giving away their gifts to the guests, so why would I celebrate Jesus' birthday this way?  Anyway, all this thinking has lead me to a few, (ok, after thinking more about it turned from a "12 Days of Christmas" to a "Days of Christmas" because, after all, who wants to be held back into restrains on these things?=) er, several more than a few, ideas of gifts I HAD to give to my children.  Today I'll share with you my first.

I MUST Give My Children The Gift of...

.... a mom & dad that have a genuine, personal walk with their Savior, Jesus Christ. 

I've written about this before, but it can not be over-stated: being a Christ follower is NOT just about going to church on Sunday mornings and making sure you're children are in church when the church doors are open.  That will do little good to help them be interested in having Jesus as their Savior, too.  Following Jesus means you personally want to find out what He has for you to live out.  You can only do this by reading His Word on a regular basis and by spending time with Him in prayer-- talking to Him.  If you are doing this, those around you will see His reflection in you.  Like Moses having been with God on Mt. Sinai, people KNEW he'd seen the One True God because his face glowed!  Our countenance will shine like the countenance of one having been with the Alpha and Omega, the Creator of all, when we spend time with Him.  This will be what interests those around us, especially our children, to want a relationship with Christ.  When they observe us going to Jesus in difficult and good days, when they see us responding in ways that only one having been with Jesus could respond, that will be attractive to them and will cause them to know our Savior is alive and real.

To that end, I fail. 

I fail so often were I to get a nickel for every failed attempt at consistent Bible reading and prayer time, or even a penny for that matter, I'd be filthy rich!  As it is, we don't get money for failing that...usually just shame and guilt which Satan aptly uses to keep us from Christ.  But Dear Friend, let us remember that God's love and faithfulness for us does not depend on us in any way (can I get an "AMEN"?!).  Romans 5:8 says " But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  Another way to put that was even while we were sinning, Christ still loved us enough sacrifice Himself for us.  2 Timothy 2:13 says "If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself."  Therefore, we can be sure that when our reflection of HIM gets a bit...fuzzy, we can approach Him with confidence in HIS love and HIS shed blood knowing that "His mercies are new every morning." (Lamentations 3:23)  He wants us to spend time with Him, and like a person who has lost great, valuable jewels, when we are lost He SEEKS US and rejoices when we return to Him.  (Just check out Luke chapter 15 for many examples of His great love for lost ones.)

For those that are moms, DO spend time with Jesus...open His Word at the beginning of your day and even if it's 5 minutes before the cereal is poured and the toasts pops up and the kids start tugging away at you, read His Word!  THEN, keep it open and throughout the laundry, the crying fits, the time-outs, the crazy breakfast-snack-lunch-snack-UNhappy hour (4-5 melt-down time)- supper- then-too-long-before-they're-finally-asleep-in-their-own-bed-time, time (whew!  It's exhausting, isn't it?) meditate on that verse.  Thank Him for your children, for the clothes you are able to wash, the dishes you are able to use, the water you are able to have readily available...Keep Him central throughout your day and He will HONOR your time and not shame you for not being able to have a "quiet" time.  After all, He gave you your children and He KNOWS there is no such thing as a "quiet" time for years after they come.  Enjoy the blessings He's given you....as you enjoy HIM!

This was too lengthy, but if you remember one this, remember this:  there are some gifts you CAN NOT afford not to give to your children.  This is one: the gift of a mom & dad that have a genuine, personal walk with their Savior, Jesus Christ. 


More gifts and Christmas traditions to come...another day!

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A Uniqueness of God

I have been reading the book Let Us Highly Resolve by David and Shirley Quine over the past couple of weeks.  The book's sub-title is "Families Living for Christ in the 21st Century" and it gives 7 "resolves" that they, as a family, undertook as they walked through their journey of raising children.  I have read this book before and plan to reread it again every so often to return to truths that are foundational to what I value in raising my own children.  (Though this book is written by homeschoolers, it is in no way a book just for homeschoolers as it only ever mentions it one time and at that just as a fact of a type of education.)

Resolve number one is "To build our families upon the Biblical world view" and it covers such topics as what is a world-view, how it is shaped, and how one might be "Biblical" and one might be something of another foundation.  In this chapter they say that a Biblical-world view starts in creation and in terms of answering the foundational questions about man, it starts with looking at Genesis 1:26 -- that man is made in the image of God. Now, this is nothing new to me, and I'm sure it isn't to you either.  We hear that phrase and we may even have some good answers as to what it means to be "made in the image of God."  Now let me jump to another place in my mind and then I'll come back to this point.

For the past several months, I have had swirling thoughts around the issue of life and its value.  What does our world say about life?  What does our own country and culture say about life?  What does the Church say about life?  What does my very own church in rural Indiana say about life without ever even saying a word?  What do I say about life-- in not only my words but in my actions and in what I hold to be of importance.  Where should our believe/world-view of life even come from?  If I say I believe life has value, exactly how far does that go?  What about a person who may be in a vegetative state?  Do they have "life"?  What about a unstable woman who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant?  Do I care what she does to that baby?  Do I believe it's okay to just "take care" of her fetus and rid herself of the "extra problem"?  What about those millions of woman and children that are destitute-- human trafficking isn't going away and our knowledge of it is only increasing...Do they have "life"?  Are they valuable?  And if so, how am I to respond to their plight? 

Back to the book.  I'm not a very deep thinker...or rather, I'm not very apologetic by nature...I'm just now beginning to learn how to find the root of a presuppositions.  So, although I believe I have a very Biblical world-view, I have just begun to learn how to stand that view up to others & be able to truly defend it.  In this book, however, a light of Truth began to flicker on inside my mind.  There is something very deep in the nature of God Himself that reflects this part of His nature and Deity;  He is the only "god" that values life!  Perhaps that doesn't surprise you-- after all, it wasn't your own "ah-ha" moment and they are really only "ah-ha" when it happens to us personally.  But I had to share.  No other "god" worshiped by man values life.  Isn't that interesting?

God is supreme.  The ONE, TRUE, EVERLASTING, HOLY, GOD is truly the Alpha and Omega for many reasons...and in this VERY BASIC QUESTION of life, He also proves to reign supreme.  Allah doesn't value life (he promotes the very desolation of a human life by promoting woman and girls to be thought of as property and no more valuable than trash and that has had far, far, devastating effects on MILLIONS), Buddha doesn't value life (with much striving maybe you'll come back as something better than a bug to be squashed) ...and that leaves many people hopeless.  They are of no value because their very life has no innate value in their "world-view".  If we as Believers are to think Biblically on the issue of life, we have no other option than to believe that ALL life is of value.  And I'm afraid I'm seeing way too many of us, in various ways, devalue what is of God's very nature.

This deeply saddens me and leaves me with many restless nights of sleep.  For so many there is absolutely no hope.  No wonder Jesus is referred to as the "light and life" that only in Him we can even find true life-- because only He, in the very nature of Who He is, IS LIFE!  This very simple fact brings to life (no pun intended by any means) to many Scriptures about Him.

John 11:25  "Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies...'

John 14:6 "Jesus said, ' I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

John 1:4 "In [Jesus] was life, and that life was the light of men."

Thank you, God, for BEING life, for CREATING life, for GIVING life, and for sending your Son to be the atonement for sin so that ETERNAL LIFE may be possible to all man-kind!

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Treasuring Life, II

In her book, Feminine Appeal, Carolyn Mahaney shares the following as she talks about the struggles of keeping a right attitude in motherhood.

"Because mothering requires constant sacrifice, the temptations to resentment, complaining, and self-pity are always close at hand.  But such selfishness will quickly sap the strength of our love for our children...As mothers, we have a choice. We can either resent the challenges and demands that accompany motherhood and persist in our selfishness, or we can draw from God's grace and receive his help to cheerfully lay down our lives for our children..." (p52,53)

There is no question about it, and anyone who's ever done it will agree, mothering is the hardest job there is to do.  If we let all of the demands that come with the job overcome us and if we try to tackle them all in our own strength, we WILL be unhappy and we WILL resent our children.  If, however, we look to the cross, and see (and learn from!) the example Christ gave us of serving day in and day out with abounding love for even complete strangers, we'll find the strength we need to get us through each difficult day and season of mothering.  I find I am most satisfied in life (and in those given to me) when I allow the calling of motherhood to take its rightful place of center-stage (in priority over other life responsibilities-- after God and husband, of course) instead of resenting it compared to whatever "else" I could be doing at the moment.  For me, discontentment in motherhood and in this stage of life, appears when I allow myself to dwell on "other possibilities." 

I've always been a dreamer -- somewhere in my the depths of my heart I've wanted to do something so big for God that it is as if it were impossible to do.  I recently heard a broadcast (don't ask me which one!) where a quote was made about God working in impossibilities; something to the effect that Christ-followers should live everyday doing the impossible because as Believers we should be living fully dependant upon Him -- and doing impossible tasks require relying on the God of impossibility.  I sighed at this thought and revisited the "oh, I wish I were doing something impossible for God" thought-- and then it hit me (I'm pretty sure it was the Holy Spirit that hit me, but ya know, not in a harmful way, lol) -- as a mother, I AM doing an impossible thing for Him!!!!  Raising children who will love the Lord and follow Him and lead their families someday to do the same IS an impossible task!!!  And, to do so successfully, can ONLY be done WITH the Lord!! Only HE will draw my children to Himself and only HE can give me the strength to keep going on the many days when I want to give up or "do something else." 

If you are in this with me, and feel the same way, let me encourage you; you, as a mother dedicated to her children, are attempting the impossible -- and we know that WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.  Keep on leaning on Him.


 

"Attempt something so impossible that unless God is in it, it's doomed to failure."  ~ John Haggai

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On Behalf of Desperation

Recently, one of my good friends had a baby increasing her "quiver" from one to two.  I remember this transition in my own life very well and remember how every minute seemed to drain my body by the physical demands made on me to provide for the constant needs of an 18-month-old and a newborn.  Sleep eludes its normal cycle and you are forever (it seems) sleep deprived and running on empty. 

I saw a Facebook post of this friend that described her 18 month old playing in flour on the floor while around her was strewn a dirty diaper (maybe two!- GASP!=), laundry baskets full of undone clothing, dirty dishes in the sink...on it went.  And my heart went out.  Oh, those memories!  I wanted to reach through the computer screen to just hug her and let her rest a minute.  (If I were at her house, I'd have done the dishes and laundry and then made supper!!!)  No words of "oh, it will get better" or the awful response that I sometimes got, "Oh, these are the good days, honey!"  or the often heard "enjoy it while they are young.  It'll pass so quickly!"  Really?!?  Those are the responses that hit like bricks and are as welcomed as words of "comfort" so often offered after the loss of a loved one.  As we get further along in our parenting journey we do see that the days pass quickly, but while one is in the middle of it, those words only make you feel guilty for being as tired and overwhelmed as you are.  They are of no comfort.

My challenge and request as a mom just a few years more into this is to women who have older children and are a little more independant-- give some time to a young mom!  Show up unannounced and do not take "no" for an answer to your offer to help.  Clean those dishes, prepare a meal, rock a crying baby, and let mom get some much needed rest!  I believe this was one of those things women in the days of old used to do for younger moms as they sought to obey the Titus 2 command to "train younger women to love their husbands and their children..." (Titus 2:4)  How can a woman continue to pour out and out and out without the proper rest her own body and soul needs?  We all know it is almost impossible to give the right responses to those we love when we are "out of steam".  So give the gift of rest to someone you know today.  (And then come back and let us know if you did!)  You will be blessed.  The momma will be blessed.  And all her family will be blessed as well. 

GO BE A BLESSING!!!

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A Unified Philosophy

I was thinking this past week about the original idea of starting this blog, and I feel a bit like I've gotten lost along the way=)  Never mind, though, as it's all a part of our family and what we are going through.  However, I did have a few ministry thoughts floating around in my mind recently that I thought might be worth sharing. 

When my husband and I last did the "candidating thing" almost ten years ago now (WOW! Could it have been that long ago?!), we didn't have children.  Our questions were different, our answers we looked for were different, and our observations were also very different from our most recent experience. We asked certain questions this time and made certain observations and were obviously pleased with all of the responses, but since moving we've made a few more and I wanted to pass on our lessons learned with anyone who might be in the "same boat" at some point in the future.  The best place to start with this process, I think, is talking about something I'll title "Philosophy of Ministry: His, Hers, & Ours"

Philosophy of Ministry Defined (According to Ma-wah!=)
Jason and I knew going into this new position our personal and familial philosophy of ministry. (If you're not familiar with this terminology you probably haven't done that yet! No worries, if you aren't in ministry yet, great-- you've got time! If you are...um, make a date ASAP and talk this over!) Philosophy of ministry can be defined a couple of ways, but for us mainly means "why we do what we do in ministry" -- our driving beliefs that shape our everyday actions and decisions.

A Unified Philosophy
Having a unified philiosophy of ministry will aleviate so.much.frustration. in a ministry marriage (or highly involved lay ministry marriage) and is necessary for unified familial decision making.  (To see our philosophy click here.)  Coming to this unified philosophy has been done through initial pre-marital discussions about our upbringing and expectations of church life and home life, trial and error during marriage, and some reading and class discussion done along the way.  Some important questions to answer in this area (especially if you have children or are thinking about having them sometime in the future) are:

• How did you see ministry played out in your upbringing-- how much time was devoted in your home to serving God specifically through various church-related activities (as this will most shape your attitude towards your husband's ministry job).
• What did you like about your up-bringing, what did you not like about that involvement?  How do these observations about these questions make you feel? 
• Ideally, how would you like to see ministry-related activities affect the home?  (i.e. "it's your job, don't bring it home," "I'll come too and maybe teach once in awhile," "I'm all in!  Where can I serve with you?!  What?! A call at mid-night-- well, OF COURSE you'd better answer it!")
• Ideally, how would your husband like to see ministry-related activities affect the home?
• Do you have other outside responsibilities that may take away time from your avilability?
• If you have children: how do you want them to see God/church/service?  What might that mean for them at the various stages of growing up. (i.e., it's okay with you, mommy, to take little 1 yr. old Timothy out to the church-wide famiy movie night even though it'll mess his next day schedule up -- OR -- NO WAY! Little Timothy and I are staying home!  No questions about it, dad!)
• Children's involvement: will they be expected to attend everything whenever the doors are open, or, do you never want them to feel expected to do anything at all?!?

Really, the list could go on and on...everyday I am faced in my home with decisions that are related to ministry-- and my responses to those decisions will come from my philosophy of ministry.  My husband can be confident that when he has to make a last minute decision about a ministry need without my input (and I stress "need"),  since we've talked at length about our philosophy, that I will be supportive of his decision.  That aleviates his concern that I might be unahappy with him when he tells me of his decision-- which sometimes may be after the fact and have caused some iconvenience to me or the kids.

As you are talking all these questions over, please don't forget to seek out what GOD has to say in His Word about ministry.  Full-time vocational ministry, after all, is choosing to serve God and His kingdom as a way to support your family while on this earth.  This allows you more flexibilty and time to devote to those in your communities and congregations, and allows you more time to be in His Word, as described by Paul numerous places in his Epistles. (One that comes to mind is 2 Timothy 2:15 "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth." NIV)  After serving several years in "part-time ministry" (aka, working a secular job and trying to rightly full-fill the needs of a full-time congregation), we came to a personal decision that is wasn't feasible for us.  There really is no way to devote the necessary amount of time to people and spending time in God's Word in order to "correctly handle the word" if you have the concerns of spending 40-50 other hours of your week to a "regular" job.  For this very reason, Paul affirms the position of full-time ministry laborers when he says, "...the Lord has connanded that those who preach teh gospel should receive their living from the gospel." (I Cor. 9:14  -- for fuller context, click here.)

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Our Philosophy of Ministry

As Christ-followers, we believe that we must be students of the Word, seeking to apply the truths contained in the Bible in ever-increasing measure to our daily lives.  We must be learning to grow in our love for God and for others and this will show itself through the fruits of our lives.  All Christ-followers should seek to do the same as this is part of eternal life: "Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." John 17:3 (NIV, 84)


As a full-time vocational ministry family, we believe that

• Our whole family has been called into ministry-- not just dad
• The purpose of our family is to grow our children into disciples of Christ (Through His power)
• We will be "inconvenienced" at times by ministry and church-life -- that's why it's called "service"
• I, the wife, will seek to serve alongside my husband where I can, thus being an example to our children of serving Him
• I, the wife, will seek to make my home a resting place from the often times discouragement that can come from working with people -- let's face it, as they say "ministry would be easy if you didn't have to work with people!"
• I, the husband, will seek to make my family a priority above the demands of the job (i.e. 24/7 meetings) and will seek to make boundaries as discussed between my wife and I
• We, as a unified front, will seek to present church as not a "thing" of competition between dad and the rest of the family, but as one place that we can all learn to love and serve God more.
• We, as parents, will seek to present all service for God as ministry-- and not just the work done inside the church walls-- most true ministry happens outside of those walls (when it's not so easily scheduled.)
• We, as parents, will seek to protect our children from the unnecessary knowledge of inter-personal relational issues, inter-church conflicts, etc. We will do this by being careful with our words and where and what we talk about regarding the church and the people we serve
• We, as parents, will do our best to demonstrate that a life lived for God's glory can be done in any vocation-- not just through full-time ministry -- but that God is pleased with doing everything as unto the Lord. (I Cor. 10:31, NIV, 84)

Our goal, as it pertains to our children, is to pray-up, train-up, demonstrate-up (I made that up!=) disciples for Christ who willingly and joyfully serve the One True Living God, Jesus Christ!

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Lessons from Anger, (Part II)

I can say I know for certain there are people praying out there for me because in a matter of hours, it's as if the Lord has put a salve over whatever wounds, past or present, bring this ugly thing of anger out of me and He's put a new spirit within me restoring myself to Him and to the ones I love all around me.  Now, I'm well aware that this is the way it is today-- and there is no guarantee for tomorrow with the issue, so I'm taking a minute to explore some basic principles to anger.  (These are not earth-shattering, but just something for me to come back to when this rears it's ugly head another day.)

1) Anger is not a root issue-- it is an expression of something rooter deeper.
2) Finding that "thing" rooted deeper is important -- not just important, VITAL -- vital to the health of all other relationships.  I must not seek this "thing" apart from Christ, because only in Him can I find the truth of whatever is so deep-seated that it continues to bring about anger in me.
3) Being truthful with someone else who is able to hold me up in prayer is important to "keepin' it real" so that there can be accountability. 
4) God gives grace greater than anything else...and where there is true grace, it leads me to holiness that continues to refine and mold me.  It's a slow process, but He's patient with me while I am being crafted into the masterpiece He is creating me to be: I can be patient with myself, too.
5) I must not choose to take this out on those around me, most especially my children. 

As to the last comment, I heard recently that developmentally children need a place to categorize everything or else their brain creates trauma due to the inability to process what is happening around them.  Obviously I am no where near a psychologist, but I am a mom who has seen the look in her little child's eyes that stare wide-eyed in terror as I get so angry that I pitch a spoon at the wall.  I know that there is no place for them to understand what just happened when they ask "can I have a drink" and I respond in anger.  It doesn't even really make sense to me!  I'm thankful to say that I have never physically hurt my children nor have I even considered it for a moment, but this anger that sometimes welds up in me causes me to understand how others may do something irrational and in a split second can change their whole lives forever.

I am thankful that God has created children to be easy forgivers.  No, they aren't "forgetters," save for the grace of God (I guess I've forgotten some similar stories so says my own mother), but they have been ever so eager to hug me and say "I forgive you" when I've come to them (and many times so lately) and asked for their forgiveness.  My heart hurts for the sin I've committed against them and against God and I pray there will be as few scars as possible from the words I've spoken and the actions I've taken in anger.  (Talk about "mommy guilt," right?)

Thank you, Jesus for my four beautiful children to whom you've entrusted to me while on this earth.  (I don't know why sometimes...=)  Help me to lean into YOU when I'm hurting so that I will not inappropriately take it out on others.  Thank you for the cross where I can lay it all down and you've promised to heal -- and where You've already granted forgiveness!! 

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Mama's Mission Update; Everything For HIS Glory

Even before this latest release from Steven Curtis Chapman came out, I have been able to see a distinct change in my perspective just due to getting into God's Word on a more regular basis.  (I'd say daily, but these last couple days of have been crazy and to be honest, it just hasn't happened!)  But I most noted the change yesterday when I was, for the 7th time during the day, once again filling the washing machine and I caught myself quoting the very verse that SCC's new song is based upon: I Corinthians 10:31 "So...whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."  I also read earlier this week one of Paul's writings (I've been all over the place in Scripture, so I'm not sure at this very moment as I'm trying to just write a quick post where exactly it was=) as he says he is spending himself for his children...that he is giving all of himself for his spiritual children for their growth and edification.  Whew.  I'm not sure I always (or even more often than not) spend myself for my biological children!  Needless to say, I sure have been in need of a change of perspective.  And I'm thankful the Word gives that to us as it promises to do when we seek THE TRUTH.

If you haven't already heard his newest release, here is the official video of SCC's "Do Everything."  Enjoy!

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"Motherhood: the Guilt that Keeps on Giving"

As Julie Anne Barnhill would say, “Motherhood: [it’s the] guiltthat keeps on giving.” I honestly could never comprehend this phrase {mommy guilt} so when I had my second child and was attending my first Hearts At Home event, I thought, “Well, what on earth could I have guilt over in motherhood?” HA!  I just hadn’t been a mommy long enough to have acquired anything much of which to be guilty for -- yet.  All I needed was a little time.

And “time” I’ve now had.  I am just now beginning to understand this phrase “mommy guilt."  I’d say I now “completely” understand it, but I know there are moments in life yet to come that I have no ability to comprehend right now that will continue to shed light onto this phrase as I continue my journey of motherhood.  I know because I listen to the stories of those who have tread the path before me and who share with me their own stories of “mommy guilt”… some of those stories bear so much heart ache and pain.  Those hurts may have appeared to have healed only to be torn open again by a word, a thought, a song, a smell, a sight…and they are laid bare again. 

Julie Anne Barnhill wrote an entire book devoted to this idea, my title bore the title of her book:  Motherhood: the Guilt that Keeps on Giving.  Here is part of her first chapter:

“I consider guilt…to be a vast, take-your-breath-away, geographical landscape that will sit squarely in my backyard until the day I die…That’s why I make no promises of “conquer your guilt”…within the pages of this book.  I am so over thinking I can do the impossible – and then feeling even guiltier when I cannot. 

Yes, guilt will always be part of the mothering landscape. 

But pay attention, because this is important: It doesn’t have to dominate your landscape.  It doesn’t have to ruin your life…or rob you of peace of mind.  More important, it doesn’t have to erode your confidence and cripple your effectiveness as a mother and human being.

Instead of hunkering down under Guiltmore’s shadow, you can learn to scale her slopes and move on to where you were really meant to live—on the sunny plains of grace…” (21-22;189,190)

My own mommy guilt was added to today as I left the curling iron on to fix my hair later, only to have it dropped and picked up by my youngest.  After an hour of straight crying {from the babe} and trying to fix it with constant cool water, we ended up in the walk-in clinic nearby having a bandaged applied and having the doctor documenting that they had gone over the safety precautions with me.  Of course, I already knew what I had done was wrong…and had left my little one vulnerable to the possibility of pain.  And now we both suffer the consequences.  I am thankful his little hand will heal and there most likely will be no scars and he will be no worse off for it—only it will be added to the small {but growing} list of regrets that amount to my own personal “mommy guilt” mountain – “Mt. Guiltmore,” as Julie B. calls it. 

Satan would love to leave us there.  Using that guilt to remind us of how “bad” we are; how “horrible” we are; and surely God could not love us or use us anymore because of that! Right?  While there are no spiritual stigmas that I have attached to this particular event, Satan does use other events in our lives that do cause us great emotional and spiritual pain to be his inflicting arrows that he throws at us often. 

BUT, As Christ-followers, we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us—Christ called him our “Comforter” that he was sending until we would one day be with Him again in heaven. {Why else would He have sent a “Comforter” if not that we would need to be comforted?}

Christ has sent us a comforter AND Christ himself came to die for just those situations that cause us all that guilt.  Galatians 5:1 says, “it is for freedom that I have set you free” {KPB—Kristen’s Paraphrase Bible}—This is the truth we need to cling to, and sometimes I really mean cling to minute by minute, when we feel all that “mommy guilt” creeping up on us.  When it threatens to make us shy away from doing the very things in life Christ has called us to do (live in community with one another, serve one another, love one another, etc.), then we need to cling to the Hope we have in Christ and allow Him to enter those painful places and give us healing and therefore we will be able to reflect His kingdom to others around us {our main created purpose}.

What “mommy guilt” are you struggling with today?  Place it at the foot of the Cross where Christ can place it upon Himself, for it does not belong to us once we belong to HIM.

More importantly, what did you do RIGHT today (or yesterday or the day before)?  Me?  I have been getting up before the kids {most days} and have been in His Word more…that is definitely RIGHT, always.

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Givin' Up -n- Movin' Back! (Part II)

I began praying the minute I had finally settled all children in their appropriate locations before the message began.  I was too emotional to think straight and then the message hit me like a ton of bricks, on more levels than I ever thought possible (more on that too, later – I think.)  Before I could even think to utter a prayer about the whole situation the service was done and I was walking out to gather my children from all their respective locations.  My prayer was completely simple: Lord help me.  I’ve realized a few things upon reflecting over all of this as the week has progressed.  Some of these reflections give me grace and some still leave me stumped.  There’s still a lot of praying/thinking to be done before this coming Sunday (when I hope to NOT repeat the last two Sunday’s events!). I’ve asked God to give me some Divine Inspiration as to what to do in order to have the kids enjoy church and not be forced into some sort of unreasonable expectation.  Here are some of my thoughts:

 1)      God loves my children & God desires my children love Him – and I mustn’t make church look/seem/feel like a horrible place to be.  This is vitally important as no child, and especially a “pastor’s kid,” should grow up resenting the church.

2)       I was completely unprepared to deal with my children at their ages going back into a church setting.  (or to deal with it in a patient manner, anyway=) Oh, we’d been in the church these past four years of seminary, but at various different levels of involvement and in situations that allowed me to “do whatever necessary” to appease my younger children.  The end result: well, let’s just say children who have become accustomed to not having to sit still for even A FEW minutes.   This is my missed opportunity of the past to teach correctly that I cannot change—must move forward from here instead of wallowing in regret. 

3)      Remember that saying that everyone TELLS you when you have kids: “They aren’t as distracting to us as they are to you” – well, I just plain don’t believe it applies to me and MY kids.  (and, really, it does.)

4)      Grace, grace, God’s Grace – can you hear the song?  I must extend grace to myself and my children in order for patience to come from anywhere in my being.  (Patience, I’ve really learned this week, is NOT one of my virtues!  Adding that to prayer time!)  It will take us all time to adjust to our new surroundings and I can miss a little of service to help my children adjust to their new surroundings.  No one else expects me to do anything different.

5)      The new pastor’s wife CAN (and will) sit in the back!  This was a very freeing thought – now if I can just convince my boys of this before Sunday!

Again, all our frustrations come down to expectations.  And at this church there are no outside expectations that have come up yet.  All these expectations of how “my children should behave” and of how I think the “pastor’s family ought to behave” – they are all self-induced.  I have begun asking God for a spirit of patience and of grace—and I’m counting on HIM to get me through this next Sunday morning service better than our last two.  (After that it’s a meal at the home of an elderly couple—oh, no!  A whole set of new prayers…=)

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GIVIN' UP -n - MOVIN' BACK!! Reflections of my first few Sundays, Part I

Well, I’ve been here before – a “pastor’s wife” – but  just as the seasons of our lives change, so too do the expectations we (and others) have as we move through those seasons.  For me, entering back into ministry, has been a welcome change in some ways (and in others, not so much – more on that later=).  I thought I was pretty prepared.  I mean, after all,  I’ve done this before,  I grew up around the whole “thing” all my life, and I’ve even had children and been in the situation before--  but this time I’ve found one big surprise along the way (well, maybe two).

This ONE BIG SURPRISE has been: ME! (And MY expectations)  We usually don’t know what our expectations are until we feel the crunch of distress in one way or another.  I felt it last week and I felt it this week again.  It went like this:

Sunday morning get up to the sound of birds – wonderful!  I praise the Lord.  Get out of bed to my youngest saying “hungy, hungy” right beneath my feet: no problem, I had cinnamon rolls ready to throw into the oven (pat on my back—and still feeling good.)  Today was going to be a GOOD Sunday; the older boys had gone to children’s church without much complaint last week and this week they were sure to go alone- bonus!  Take shower, make little smokies with daughter (bonus #2—working together in the kitchen), serve cinnamon rolls (done to perfection) and little smokies (okay, maybe those were a little more than “done to perfection”), happy family banter and discussion, get self ready while daddy dressed kids (bonus number #3!)…the day was shaping up wonderfully!  Couldn’t find a top that didn’t need ironing, but that too was okay because we STILL had enough time, thanks to dad, for me to iron it and get out the door with a couple minutes to spare.  (Minor distressful thought:  had to take kids early so dad could meet with some men to pray before service—surely they could play in the nursery until service and NOT tear up all the toys?  Hmm…) Get all six of us family members into the car and on our way.  This is going to be a good Sunday.

At the church, kids told to stay with mom while dad went to meet with the men—and daughter throws first minor temper tantrum—a little squeal with an irritated foot tap and a slight whiney “daaadddddy” out of her tight lips that threatens to become loud.(Second minor feeling of distress)  Stop it, let’s go, and head in without getting hit by a car.  Inside, kids go to the nursery as directed (doing okay so far), but now I smell the aroma of fresh dirty diaper.  (Can I call that an “aroma”?)  “Bubbi” needs changed.  Terrible diaper rash causes a panicked, terrified, scream that last as long as the diaper change, no mind, daughter shut the nursery door.  Surely those cute lil’ ol’ ladies greeting at the door would just smile even if they did hear him scream, right?  Older boys break out the baby cars and drive each other crazily between the two connected nursery rooms and almost into me.  (Minor distress rising) Enter another boy adding more crazy driving and diaper change is almost over.  Finish changing diaper, wash hands, all children have disappeared and nursery is quiet.  I almost just sink down into a rocking chair and enjoy it—but then I think of the “crazies” out running around the older people.  Visions of terrible collisions race through my head.  Much work is done to corral the young “ponies” and just in time for dad to meet with the men to pray.  Whew.  But corral them to where? (Distress definitely at a high level, still smiling though!) Pews.  At least I can sit at the end of one pew.  Oldest chose center row number 5—after I insist on not sitting in row #3—and we sit, with most of the 175 other congregation members behind us.  Sigh. But then, “I’m thirsty,”  “I have to go to the bathroom,” “daaaadddyyy” (more tantrum)…it’s only been 5 minutes since we entered the door!  (I can smile no longer.)

I could relate the next 30 minutes to you, but it’d be just as painful for you to read as it was for me to experience as it all just continued and went more downhill.  You moms know exactly what I’m talking about!  Dad made announcements on this Sunday and Bubbi wouldn’t go into the nursery without another 5-minute leech-loving cling time all the while screaming like he was in some sort of excruciating pain.  (Will it ever get better?)  Church starts at 9:25 with service first and by 9:30 I’m thinking, “I GIVE UP!  I’M MOVIN’ BACK!” (to the back of the sanctuary, that is=)

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The Next Step

Within the very first hours of becoming a parent -- in which I mean seeing the two pink lines on the lovely white stick -- the words "transition," "next steps," "journey" all take on a completely new meaning.  Life is just never the same as a whole new world opens up to us and we learn about the changes in our bodies (and in our babies' bodies), the changes in our schedules (particularily the change in our sleeping habits), and the changes in our responsibilities -- children require a lot of priority!  As a good friend of ours once said, "I never knew how selfish I was until I got married.  And then I never knew how selfish I still was until I had kids."  We learn quickly that life is now, at least for a short 18 years, a lot about our children and teaching them to transition in their lives well -- which requires a very healthy marriage! 

This week is all about transition for our family; in some ways, taking our final steps to complete these last four years of transition.  So I thought I'd take a few minutes to talk "ministry" here, for those following who are headed that way, and for the benefit of really anyone with a family-- which can mean simply a spouse with whom they share life.  As I've been processing what it will mean to enter back into the world of full-time vocational ministry, I've realized our family is in a different stage than we were when we left a few years ago.  New priorities need to be realized and new boundaries need to be put in place BEFORE we start this new phase.  Not doing so could have devestating results for our marriage, our family, and in the end, our new ministry.  So my husband and I took advantage of a 3 hour trip both ways for picking up a new bed (to be shared in the room where we'll put all four children for awhile=), and talked "priorities" and "boundaries".  We each shared with the other our thoughts on what was "most important" at the stage of each of our children and what they needed-- and of course, what we needed as a couple to maintain a healthy, growing, FUN relationship.  We settled on a few specific things (which I wrote down to keep us more accountable) and I had peace in just communicating with my husband the various needs I was sensing and in hearing his.  In each of our major life transitions, we've taken time to do this activity (and I admit, I think it could have been done a lot more often).  When we entered seminary, and usually to some degree each semester, we took time to look specifically at each family members' needs and consider what might be done to make sure important needs were met.  We trust and pray that God has filled in the gaps where we have fallen short.  I encourage each of you to do this same activity as you find yourself in times of transition to help alleviate the stress on everyone in the family and to PROACTIVELY invest in the most important foundation to society: the family.

I could go into all sorts of specific priorities and tips on how they could play out, but each family has different needs as we are all in unique situations and have unique needs for those times.  Here is the KEY PRINCIPLE to follow: 

 ALL priorities should come in light of our FIRST priority: God! 

     Deuteronomy 10:12-13, "And now...what does the Lord your God ask of you but to serve the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to love Him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good."

Matthew 6:33 says, "Seek FIRST [God's] Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things {earthly provisions found at the heart of our need for working}will be given to you..." (NIV, italics added=)

For tips in helping to make your marriage a better priority see Jill Savage's Blog (founder of Hearts At Home, an organization that encourages, educates and equips moms of all ages and stages of motherhood)

For tips in helping to "balance" family and ministry life make sure to check out former pastor and ministers to missionaries all around the world, Stuart and  Jill Briscoe's online magazine Just Between Us and Stuart's quick take on the issue.

And then leave me a message and let me know some specific ways you and your family have been able to better prioritize the important "things" of life!

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