I began praying the minute I had finally settled all
children in their appropriate locations before the message began. I was too emotional to think straight and
then the message hit me like a ton of bricks, on more levels than I ever
thought possible (more on that too, later – I think.) Before I could even think to utter a prayer
about the whole situation the service was done and I was walking out to gather
my children from all their respective locations. My prayer was completely simple: Lord help
me. I’ve realized a few things upon
reflecting over all of this as the week has progressed. Some of these reflections give me grace and
some still leave me stumped. There’s
still a lot of praying/thinking to be done before this coming Sunday (when I hope
to NOT repeat the last two Sunday’s events!). I’ve asked God to give me some
Divine Inspiration as to what to do in order to have the kids enjoy church and
not be forced into some sort of unreasonable expectation. Here are some of my thoughts:
1)
God loves my children & God desires my
children love Him – and I mustn’t make church look/seem/feel like a
horrible place to be. This is vitally
important as no child, and especially a “pastor’s kid,” should grow up
resenting the church.
2)
I was
completely unprepared to deal with my children at their ages going back into a
church setting. (or to deal with
it in a patient manner, anyway=) Oh, we’d been in the church these past four
years of seminary, but at various different levels of involvement and in
situations that allowed me to “do whatever necessary” to appease my younger
children. The end result: well, let’s
just say children who have become accustomed to not having to sit still for
even A FEW minutes. This is
my missed opportunity of the past to teach correctly that I cannot change—must move
forward from here instead of wallowing in regret.
3)
Remember that saying that everyone TELLS
you when you have kids: “They aren’t as distracting to us as they
are to you” – well, I just plain don’t believe it applies to me and MY
kids. (and, really, it does.)
4)
Grace, grace, God’s Grace – can you
hear the song? I must extend grace to
myself and my children in order for patience to come from anywhere in my
being. (Patience, I’ve really learned
this week, is NOT one of my virtues!
Adding that to prayer time!) It
will take us all time to adjust to our new surroundings and I can miss a little
of service to help my children adjust to their new surroundings. No one else expects me to do anything
different.
5)
The new pastor’s wife CAN (and will) sit in
the back! This was a very
freeing thought – now if I can just convince my boys of this before Sunday!
Again, all our frustrations come down to expectations. And at this church there are no outside
expectations that have come up yet. All
these expectations of how “my children should behave” and of how I think the “pastor’s
family ought to behave” – they are all self-induced. I have begun asking God for a spirit of
patience and of grace—and I’m counting
on HIM to get me through this next Sunday morning service better than our
last two. (After that it’s a meal at the
home of an elderly couple—oh, no! A
whole set of new prayers…=)
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