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The Swirling Mire -- Anger (Part 1)

>> 8.27.2011

Wow—seems like forever—for me anyway. I was getting used to scribbling out my thoughts for the world to see. There has been a lot going on, as is the case for many who blog and then “disappear” for awhile, only to resurface again somewhere along the line. (Like my one of my homeschooling buddies whom I THOUGHT was done blogging, only to realize she just blogs during the school year—smart woman! Summer gets too crazy! Shout out to ya, Bec-mama!) This past week was one long disaster-- or so it felt. (Let's see there was the running over the violin...the melting of the food processor on the stove...finding sour cream and pork n beans on different occasions in the microwave days after they'd been used...hmm...and I just finished cleaning up shmashed zucchini from all over the kitchen sink, walls, beneath the sink: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME: zucchini peels do not belong in the disposal!)

Anyway, over these past couple of weeks a lot of emotions, thoughts, etc. have been running through my mind. I haven’t come to any conclusions about the swirling mess that is seemingly taking control of my brain, but I think…no, I know, God is leading me through it all just the same. {If I seem a bit distracted tonight, I am. I volunteered to take my first stab at bringing Sunday school “snacks” and I’m up against a tough crowd! These rural women bring like Easter brunch e-v-e-r-y week! So, I’ve got two kinds of zucchini bread baking {chocolate and, um, well, “boring”=} a blueberry crisp {that I’m actually doing a small test version on first because I consistently forget to write down and KEEP the one my mom gives me over the phone—which she’s done I think 3 times already} zucchini mini-muffins {I had three large zucchinis to use and the kids gobble up the minis} and getting ready to start sticky buns. {I’ll cut the fruit up in the morning and hope all that tides over the masses;}

Back to God’s leading. I discovered a pattern this past week—actually, my very bestest friends in all the whole world over discovered it for me. I had fortunately (Divinely, really) scheduled a meeting with my good buddies from seminary so our kids could get together this past week. During the two weeks leading up to this point I had begun to sink into what I (hate to) call my “angry mama mode”. Everything anyone did, said, tried to say, tried to even think, caused me so much irritation and well, anger, that I just exploded!  One of my friends asked if it was a particular behavior (i.e. someone actually doing something wrong) and sadly I had to respond, “no.”

(I just took out my first ever most perfect bread loaf!)

So I was lamenting my heart to them and one friend spoke to me the gracious words “do you think you could just give yourself a break since you just moved and everything?” and others nodded their heads in agreement. And then I said, “yeah, but if that were the case, why does this seem to happen every 18 months or so?” To which another responded, “because every 18 months for the past however many years you’ve been moving and changing.” And with that I paused, thought back, and realized she was right! Ever since I’ve had kids things have been changing and there have been frequent moves and transitions…burdens I think I’ve picked up and tried to carry on my own without even knowing it. And isolation is so easy. I mean, the inside type of isolation that keeps you from even acknowledging to yourself how you feel or what you are dwelling on. On the outside you may very well look busy and surrounded, but on the inside you are very much alone…

Well, that’s a lie, really.  And I’m beginning to realize this. I never thought about it before {as I said, I wouldn’t even tell myself that was how I was even feeling, right?!} It’s a lie only if you are a follower of Christ because as His child, I have His Spirit with me always. And as I’ve said before on here, His Spirit is specifically called “the Comforter”.  I must allow myself to be comforted by Him—which means I must bring everything to Him. This is truly not easy. It’s easier, so it seems, to wallow in the mire of ourselves, the sinful nature self-pitying self.

Through all of this there are two things which stick out the most:

1) How absolutely wonderful is the gift of my friends which the Lord has given to me. Though they might not be a minutes’ drive away, they are always close enough to lean on {isn’t technology wonderful? Though nothing replaces being in person WITH someone}.

2) The reminder that God created us for COMMUNITY! NOTHING substitutes the body of Christ for which He designed us. Yes, there is the Holy Spirit and Comforter which we desperately need like nothing else, but, while on this weary, tiring earth, God knew we would need each other. 

Thank You, Jesus for the truth of Your Word brought to light through wonderful women who are journeying with me. You knew I needed them this week and You fore ordained that we would be together. How cool is that?!?

I’d love to hear any praises you all might have from this past week. We need to encourage one another along our way…


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